Frequently Asked Questions
What is sexual addiction?
Sexual addiction is frequently used to describe the problem some people have when they act out sexually in ways they feel they cannot control, and which are detrimental to their health, finances, jobs, emotional well being, and relationships. Sexual addiction, also referred to as hypersexuality, sexual dependency and compulsive sexual behavior disorder, is a condition that involves the sufferer becoming excessively preoccupied with thoughts or behaviors in pursuit of a desired sexual effect.
How do I tell if I have a problem?
If you are concerned that you have a problem, there are several Sexual Addiction Screening Tests (SAST) available online. A few are listed below:
https://new.recoveryzone.com/PublicSurvey/Create?SurveyTypeID=53
https://puredesire.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/pd-sast-1.pdf
https://puredesire.org/sast/
https://www.healthyplace.com/psychological-tests/sexual-addiction-screening-test-men
https://www.mind-diagnostics.org/sex_addiction-test/screener
What are the symptoms?
Sex addicts suffer from a negative pattern of sexual behavior that leads to significant problems or distress.
Efforts to stop the sexual behavior, but the inability to do so
Preoccupation with sex
Escalation: Over time the behaviors become riskier, or progressively more intense/explicit stimulation is required
Inability to fulfill obligations
Withdrawal: irritability, anger, restlessness, and extreme frustration
Risking losing a job, marriage, or reputation to continue acting out
Risking incarceration
Getting minimal sleep, frequently being physically and emotionally exhausted
Dull headache, red dry yet watery eyes from hours of nonstop staring at a screen
Raw or calloused penis skin, or injury to genitalia
Paranoia
Suicidal thoughts
Secret behaviors/lifestyle
A hidden stash of explicit materials
What causes sexual addiction?
Typically, no single factor causes sexual addiction. Sexual addiction is complex in its manifestations. Root causes are unmet needs/desires and medicating emotional wounds. A combination of the two is frequent. Sexual addiction has many components; It is a drug addiction, a physiological degradation, a coping/survival mechanism, emotionally crippling, a spiritual separation, distortion of the psyche, an escape, and a panacea all in one package.
Drug addiction: The human body produces a wide array of chemicals when sexually aroused and masturbating. The chemicals are a very complex cocktail that is more addictive than heroin and bonds the person to what they are seeing or imagining.
Physiological degradation: Brain scans of sex addicts show the same degradation and atrophy of the brain as those of cocaine users. Moral decision making capability is greatly hindered. Neural pathways are created and grow to accommodate sexual preoccupations, these outsize normal neural pathways. Dopamine receptors and transmitters in the brain change due to frequent over stimulation. Simultaneously, the receptors shut down and the transmitters require more dopamine. Soon, no amount of dopamine will provide a pleasurable effect.
Coping/Survival Mechanism: In order to feel good, “normal”, safe, desired, deal with lack of fulfilllment, or get affection or admiration, addicts will use sexual activity and fantasy for soothing.
Emotional Crippling: Sexual addiction magnifies shame, low self worth, low self esteem, guilt and taints all relationships.
Spiritual Separation: Addicts typically move away from God. They feel ashamed and unworthy to talk to Him, they stop attending church, they don’t think God wants to hear from them in prayer, they feel they are trampling on salvation through Christ’s sacrifice, and they wonder if there is any grace or forgiveness left for them. They try to hide from God.
Distortion of the Psyche: We believe lies we have told ourselves. As Patrick Carnes documented from his research, the four lies sexual addicts typically believe:
I am a bad, unworthy person
No one would love me as I am
My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend upon others
Sex is my most important need
An Escape: Sexual addiction is an escape from anything uncomfortable or painful. It can also be an escape searching for fulfillment and ecstasy.
A Panacea: Sexual addicts use acting out to deal with stress, anger, anxiety, loneliness, hunger, depression, fear, being tired, rejection, being mocked or ridiculed, feeling powerless, sickness, boredom, and many more.
Can I be cured?
There is no “cure.” Recovery is a complete lifestyle change and a change in thinking. You CAN be healthy, free, and alive. Overcoming sexual addiction may be the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life. It is worth it.
How long does it take to get better?
It doesn’t matter how long it takes. It matters that you start and maintain consistency. Progress will depend on how badly the addict wants to be free of sexual addiction and seeks healing through counseling, support groups, and recovery material. It will get better. Not every day, and in small increments with occasional dips, but overall it will continue to improve over time for those who don’t give up.
Does it cost anything to attend Purity for Him Meetings or for membership?
No.
Do I have to be a Christian?
No. Purity for Him does not require you to be Christian to attend.
Do I have to believe in God?
No. Purity for Him does not require you to believe in God to attend.
Can women attend these meetings?
No. Purity for Him meetings are for men only.
Is this group for men who are convicted sexual offenders?
Purity for Him is for any man who wants to obtain and maintain sobriety from sexual addiction.
I’m uncomfortable talking about this. It’s private and I don’t want to share details. What will I have to share?
This is a safe place. Share as little or as much as you are comfortable. There will be no judgment, condemnation or shock. You will only receive feedback if you request it.
I don’t want my wife/girlfriend to know about this. Won’t she find out if I start attending?
Purity for Him practices strict anonymity and confidentiality. Your identity, or what is shared at the meeting, will not be divulged without your permission.
Is this a 12 step group?
No. If you prefer a 12 step group, Purity for Him is happy to refer you to groups in the area.
Is there a structured curriculum?
No. The group leader tailors the lessons and exercises to meet the members where they are.
Members should maintain a notebook to perform and review exercises as assigned by the group leader.
If you prefer a structured curriculum, Purity for Him recommends Conquer Series groups and can refer men to groups in the area.